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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > Eating Out, or Table for One, Serves Two
Eating Out, or Table for One, Serves Two   by Lisa Chavez

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Our faithful readers may recognize bits and pieces of this article, brought back by popular demand -- the ever popular topic of cunnilingus and how to do it well:

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We have a magic button mentality when it comes to good cunnilingus: Find the magic button and press. But good cunnilingus doesn't stay in the same place. It roves. It's pointy tongue, flat tongue and lips. And with lips, it's sucking, drooling, pecking, pinching. Put on your explorer's cap, or better yet, your cartographer's cap -- close your eyes and pretend you're trying to create a map in your head of every fold, mount, ridge, and nub in the lady's lush vulva garden. As you do so, remind yourself that every lady, like every state or country, has a different terrain between her open plains, er, legs. Take big swabs of that pussy flesh in your mouth, then take little throbs. Blow against the skin, hum against the skin, blow air from near and far.

Yes, there is a golden nub, and for those who don't know where that nub is, it's at the top of the upside down V of her pussy. It starts right where the skin of her pussy lips breaks and opens. The clitoris is actually a wishbone shaped thing that extends into her body, a bit of its shaft (like the part of the wishbone you hold between thumb and forefinger) sits at her lips' parting and is covered in skin (the hood). If you pull back on that hood, like the foreskin of a cock, it sort of lets a head pop out, a mini version of the cock's mushroom head. This bared nub can actually be so sensitive that touching it when trying to get her hot can be counterproductive. Too intense -- like diving into the deep end of a cold pool instead of inching your way slowly. In other words, with some women you may actually be better not knowing that hot button is there. Running your tongue up and down the shaft can be the way to go in a larger number of cases, running it up one side and down the other. In fact, if you think of the clitoris as a mini, more sensitive and more delicate cock, your imagination may take you easily into good cunnilingus, as far as the "golden nub" approach goes. All we need is a useful picture to help us understand that juicy tidbit before us, and cunnilingus becomes simple.

However, we are still missing something in great cunnilingus, something that cannot be transferred simply by imagining and duplicating the steps to good head. When giving head, the hands are always on standby near or busily employed by the genitals. Hands are a lot more necessary to fellatio than to cunnilingus. In giving head, the hands help to tighten the seal of the lips around his cock; they also help to lengthen the reach of sensation to cover the whole cock shaft, etc. But women, being compact and all, don't require so much coordination from the hands -- especially once the hands have pried her lips open and the face has got buried between those lips. Quite fortuitously, women's bodies drink up all kinds sensations that hands can provide -- from nurturing to stimulating. Good, perceptive, roving hands can have a woman melting between them.
Because hand work is so rare, it is where the hands go, not the tongue, that separates workable cunnilingus from most excellent cunnilingus. Many muff divers get their faces buried in pussy and forget about the other 98% of the body it's attached to. Unlike a cock, the pussy doesn't need a tight grip or a lot of pressure -- no need to brace her hips or legs "to get a good grip." The hands are best used in a mode of curiosity, softness, and ticklishness.

So while you're down there sucking, tugging, and lapping at labial folds and clitoral hood, reach up into Greater Planet Woman with your hands. Picture a broader canvas. Her nipples are a really great target. They're especially sensitive; and the more finely-tuned your tongue is on her clit, the more sensitive her nipples will get. It's a double score strategy. So if you get the combo action going, your cunnilingus is going to be extremely memorable. Fondle her breasts. Play with her nipples, brush her nipples, tug on her nipples, circle her nipples with your fingers or hands. (And keep on lapping.)

Women are also quite susceptible to caresses. As she's moaning and you're eating, it's easy to let the excitement get you going faster and harder. Once again, think hands. Variety and hands are the two biggest secrets in the world of cunnilingus. Get those down and you'll be a master in no time. For example, try splitting your tempos; that is, while your tongue is doing the nasty speed lick, move your hands slowly from under her arm pits, across her breasts (teasingly missing the nips) and dust your light fingers langorously down to her belly where they orbit her navel area in a soft circular rubbing motion before wandering lazily across her hips and tickle, lightly back up her ribs to her underarms. The more of her body you cover with your hands, the broader her experience. Spread her body-awareness out -- reach down and massage her toes, reach up and run your hands through her hair, tap at her mons, brush her cheek, squeeze her ass cheeks, just enter her hole with your finger -- the most sensitive part of her vagina is right there at her wet (hopefully) opening. Give her the sense that you're all over her, that no part of her is hidden from your touch. The thrill of knowing that delicious sensation might come out of nowhere at a moment's notice. You're sensitizing her body, you're expanding her erotic zone, and you're guaranteed to give her a 5-foot come instead of a five-inch come.

We all have very different ideas of what makes a great sex experience, but surprise and heightened sensation are probably high on the list. Once you get the hang of using your hands, of closing your eyes and creating a visual map of the total woman, not just the cunt and the soggy bits, you're ready to get sophisticated. As you move your hands about, pay close attention to the lady's breathing. Her moans and groans help too (if she's not exaggerating). Breath is probably the least noticed reaction, and yet it's probably the most revealing. It can really let you know what's going on with her. A quickened, shallower breath, a stronger out-breath, a held breath, any of these tells you that your attentions are changing her chemistry. (For the better!)

Get your tongue into a slow, rhythmic pattern on her clit (or at her hole for a more drawn out tease), and this will give you time to play her body with your hands and pay attention to her tiniest reactions. Watch, listen, smell. Does she pull in her tummy? (good sign) Do her nipples harden? (Good sign.) Are you finding a pool of pussy juice mixing with your saliva? (Good sign.) When you lightly graze her breasts or her belly do you find her body moving to meet your touch? (good sign) Every woman has different sensitive spots, an attentive partner keeping a close eye on her body feedback, can find, map, and control those spots to enhance her mind-blowing experience. Anyone with a partner newer than six months -- hell, even you veterans -- set yourself a goal in the course of your lap session: try to find at least one unique or new pleasure point on your partner, somewhere sensitive that according to your past experience, only she has.

The edge in cunnilingus is not how hard you hit the spot, but how far and wide you extend its ripples of excitement. Remember that sweet spot can both give and receive the chills clit is hardwired to nips. Give those electric jolts at the cunt nub a pathway to her broader canvass. After that, hot, pussy-pumping cunnilingus is a breeze.

Everyone thinks "tongue" is where hot and heavy cunnilingusis at, but the wise muff diver thinks variety and hands and zones.