Heat. Sex. The two go together like vodka and tonic. Hot sex is good sex . . . except when it’s not. You know what I mean.I live in California, and this summer has been INSANE. Seriously. I spend most nights panting in the bedroom, and, sadly, it’s only because I don’t have air conditioning. (Sometimes it feels as though that the answer to global warming is contained in the problem: if human beings are the biggest contributors to the climate crises, than we don’t need to worry. If these warming trends continue, the population is going to plummet: how can people reproduce if it’s too hot to fuck?) While I don’t mind feeling hot and bothered in certain circumstances, trying to stoke the flames of desire when I’m already dying of heatstroke is no fun.
In an effort to stop my libido from donating my entire paycheck to Greenpeace, I started compiling ways to stay satisfied when the mercury rises a little too high. So without further ado, here’s my personal collection of summertime sex tips:
- Sex in the Shower
Nookie under the nozzle is one tried-and-true method. From sharing hand jobs to an up-against-the-stall quickie, the combination of stand-up urgency with sopping sudsiness makes for a fantastically arousing experience. Make sure you’ve got something sturdy to hold on to (getting his rod off is one thing; but the shower rod? Not so great), and make sure the floor isn’t too slippery. Also, if you’re planning on penetration, a little water-based lubed can save time, trouble, and an ickily unpleasant burning sensation. (Trust me: shampoo in one’s cooch is no fun.) - Ice, Ice Baby
Water is better in some forms than others! While applying ice directly to sensitive skin for too long is a no-no (unless, that is, you’re into a little pain-play, or you don’t mind feeling numb), there’s plenty you can do with a cupful of cubes. Have him suck on a few small chips before giving head . . . it feels great for the recipient, provides an awesome amount of liquid lube, and cools his throat while he's going down. If fellatio’s your thing, make a water-pop, then alternate sucking his cock and the frozen dildo . . . and if you’re brave, try slipping it inside yourself for a real chilly thrill! - Biggest Fan
Don’t forget the wonders of circulating air. Drag all the fans you can into the bedroom, get sweaty, and enjoy the cool breeze. If either one of you has long hair, you can enjoy the photo-set quality, too . . . think Mariah Carey or any number of music videos. - Toys Toys Toys
Toys are a great way to elicit great orgasms without too much exertion. While you'll want to take advantage of body heat and skin-on-skin friction in the winter months, summer is a great time to fool around with those plug-and-play accessories. Either dig out your favorite tried-and-true vibrator, or take the opportunity to visit your local (air-conditioned and windowless!) sex-shop for a wealth of ways to get your thrills without killing yourself in the process. - Spring Break Inspiration
Remember those MTV beach parties in Cancun? Why not take a cue from those hot college co-eds and host your own wet T-shirt contest? Whether you combine the party with a few friends or put on your own personal show, you’ll love taking advantage of the nipple-stiffening combination of white cotton and buckets of water. And there’s no need to choose! You can always throw a quick barbecue / pool party with the contest as a finale . . . knowing that your guests will be running home in a hurry to get it on as soon as the splashing is done, and leaving you to enjoy your own private after-party. Don’t forget to break out the Slip n’ Slide. - Get Messy
Here’s an idea. Bathtub. Bubbles. Ice cream. Champagne. Take a not-too-hot tub, a few bowls of vanilla-y sweetness, two glass flutes, and a bottle of bubbly, and you’ve got an instant evening of coolly sensual elegance . . . combined with fantastically sticky fun. The clean-up will be done in no time, and the memory is one you’ll share forever. - Positions Available
If you’ve been relying on sex of the missionary variety, this is the perfect excuse to mix things up. Experimenting with positions that reduce the skin-friction can keep excess heat to a minimum. Try girl-on-top or doggie-style: both focus the contact where it matters. - Squeeze Tight
Incorporating a squirt gun or spray bottle into the bedroom makes for a little playful relief. You know how marathon runners love having water tossed on them mid-way through the race? Put a mister on your bedside table and use it as necessary. Cool damp towels help too. - Cool Lube
Take advantage of your icebox to create a delightful chilled-cream experience! The usual pre-massage recommendation is to warm your oils, but in the summer, try the reverse tactic! Start using your refrigerator to store your favorite body butter, flavored erotic jellies, or even hand creams. That way, when it's time to oil up, you'll get a shiver-inducing spasm of pleasure. - Get Creative!
When it comes to summer loving, there are all manner of other ways to beat the heat. Your office is air conditioned, right? Maybe this would be the time to sneak in and use the desk. If you’re single, how about hitting on that little cutie who works in the ice cream parlor? Or the hottie in the deli department? (Okay, sex in a meat locker might be going a little far. I’m going to blame that one on the 105 degree temperature.) Still, the sizzling temperatures are a great excuse to expand your horizons. Take the opportunity to expose your partner (no pun intended) to the joys of outdoor quickies, or, if she’s not ordinarily into porn, explain how much more pleasant it would be to watch a video than work up a sweat.
And if all of the above sounds like too much work, don’t worry about it. After trying out this laundry list of summertime sextivities, I had to admit that, fun as they were, it's hard to top the basics. Sometimes there’s nothing more satisfying than just giving in to the heat and engaging in some slippery, steamy, sweat-enhanced, sheet-soaking sex.
Though it helps if you stuff your sheets in the freezer first.
Got any of your own tips for sustainable summertime sex? Click on the comments section and share your secrets!
