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Depressed 11/25/2015 A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a m 0 Comments, 77 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Day's Catch 11/23/2015 It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the Smoky Lake Tavern. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in th 0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Army Induction 11/23/2015 Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a West Virginia mountain man, was drafted by the army. On his first day, the army issued him a comb. That afternoon, the army barber sheared off all his hai 0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Jack and Jill 11/15/2015 Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock because Jills real name was RANDY  0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Bar Joke 11/14/2015 A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?” The guy replies, “Whiskey.” The robot brings back his drink and as 0 Comments, 93 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Alzheimer's has its advantages 11/7/2015 Bill, 85, married Sue, a lovely 25 year old . . . Since her new husband is so old, Sue decides that after their wedding she and Bill should have separate bedrooms, because she is co 0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes | |
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When you are over seventy, who gives a shit. 11/7/2015 I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?" I said, "Yea you 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Lost Wallet 11/7/2015 A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Custom 0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes | |
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luv-va Jay-sus 11/7/2015 Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to 0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes | |
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The Definiton of Torque 10/2/2015 When men wake in the morning with "Hardwood" They head to the bathroom to piss. Standing at the bowl As they push down on their hard cock (being sure not to miss) I 0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Typical Highland baby boy. 9/29/2015 A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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His Last wishes 9/17/2015 Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes 0 Comments, 83 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wet Celery 9/17/2015 A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.' He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he ask 0 Comments, 78 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LAST WISHES 9/12/2015 Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Wet Celery 9/12/2015 A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.' He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks 0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes | |
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LITTLE JOHNNY 1/19/2015 may be a duplicate but I didn't see it Teacher asks the in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive cl 0 Comments, 108 Views, 0 Votes | |
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GOT TO LOVE BLONDES 1/19/2015 FIRST A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from her 0 Comments, 103 Views, 0 Votes | |
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CROSSING THE SAHARA 1/19/2015 A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surv 0 Comments, 84 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Note to drunken self 1/19/2015 when you see a very pretty girl and she tells you she is really a boy, believe her. Do NOT say "There is no freakin way"...cuz when she lifts up her skirt and proves it, your gonna stare. 0 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FALL IN 1850 1/19/2015 Do you know what happened this fall back in 1850? California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. 0 Comments, 33 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FARM VISIT 1/19/2015 Teacher: Ok childern, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday? Sara? MOOOOOO she says Teacher claps, "thats right Sara" a cow Ben? QUACK QUACK he says Teacher 0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes | |
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DENTURES 1/19/2015 A couple old boys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to a Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the ver 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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ARTHRITIS 1/19/2015 A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FORGOT MY GLASSES 1/19/2015 While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly wom 0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes | |
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PARKINSONS OR ALZHEIMERS 1/19/2015 Two elderly ladies were talking. At our age, I don’t know what would be worse; Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?" one said. Her wise friend answered, Oh I’d rather have Parkinson’s, definitel 0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes | |
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GOLF NUTS 1/19/2015 Ed and Linda met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started 0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes | |
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BAR JOKE 1/16/2015 A guy walks into a gay bar and sees a monkey sitting on the bar table. , "What's the monkey for?" asks the guy. Watch this, " says the bartender. He whacks the monkey on the head, and then th 0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes | |
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BORN LOSER 1/16/2015 A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey 0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Nurse Nancy 1/16/2015 Two doctors in practice in a small town clinic in Bluebell had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only wo 0 Comments, 98 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Hot Chick 1/10/2015 Three friends are in a bar having a drink when a Hot Chic comes up to them and says "whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me". So the white guy says "I love liver and chees 0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes | |
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DEAD HAIR 1/9/2015 A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a s 0 Comments, 107 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Truck driver and the Blonde 11/25/2014 As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and 0 Comments, 294 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Indian Chief 11/23/2014 Chief went into a drugstore and said to the pharmacist ...Chief need-um rubber to make-um love to squaws. The pharmacist chuckled picked out an Acme thin condom, handed it to the Indian and said here 0 Comments, 191 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Warning 11/16/2014 They call a girl with braces "A Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker" 0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes |
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